


A step-by-step guide on how not to kill yourself tonight

by anvaver (ItsTheRaven)



Series: adventures in trying to understand english with poetry [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Fire, Gen, Guns mention, Poetry, Self Harm, blood mention, suicide ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-07
Updated: 2014-12-07
Packaged: 2018-02-28 11:53:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2731478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsTheRaven/pseuds/anvaver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hiding your pain inside your bones and leaving it there will only work until the day they start to get too heavy and crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A step-by-step guide on how not to kill yourself tonight

**Author's Note:**

> This was made for the first prompt of **Los Cuervos de las Navidades Pasadas** at fandom_insano.  
>  Thanks to celestialshimmer, from tumblr, for helping with the grammar and stuff.

**STEP ONE** : Don’t call her tonight. Do. Not. Call. Her. Her voice mail won't sound like a healing touch. It wont make you feel alive, it won’t make you happy. You are going to think that that’s not how she sounded at all, that the phone recorder couldn’t capture her laugh correctly, that her voice sounded like summer nights and kissing and the crude imitation of the recorder only sounds like death. It will make you want to go where you can listen to her voice again. You won’t find that place on the trigger of a gun, but you don’t know that. So, whatever happens, don’t call her.

 **STEP TWO** : Retract your claws and put the gun down. For all that love you felt for her, put the gun down. _Here lies a beloved son and friend_ won’t make things better. Your happiness is not hidden inside a bullet and you won’t find it making a hole on your head with a loud **_bang_**. Retract the claws and put the gun down. You know you don’t really want to leave the world with a shot and way too many blood in the walls for your friends to wash after you're gone.

 **STEP THREE** : Don’t think about fire. Don’t think about all the times you want to ignite and blow yourself up into the sky. Don’t think about the smell of gasoline every time you fill the tank of your bike. Don’t look at the lighter of that boy at school. Don’t look at the flames, don’t think about fire. Don’t think about how much you want to burn your skin, how much you want to make a pile with all the memories you have of her, every poem you never gave her, every photo she ever took of you two and burn with it, until the fire consumes your skin and you become nothing more than ashes.

 **STEP FOUR** : Stop telling your mother that you are fine. Stop dismissing your pain. Stop telling her that she doesn’t has anything to worry about, she knows she does. That desperate conviction you have that your pain will go away if you don’t name it is wrong. Stop throwing all your nightmares into the closet, stop refusing to talk about all those days you wake up with a scream caught on your throat. Have her number on the emergency option. Call her. Tell her about the days you still feel her blood on your hands. Let her hold you. Let her tell you it will be alright.

 **STEP FIVE** : Don’t ignore your friend when he looks at you like your skin feels like suicide. Don’t ignore your friend when he asks you about the red stains your blood left on your bed sheets yesterday. Don’t ignore your friend, even if he has the face of the thing that killed her and sometimes you need to close your eyes and look away. Don’t ignore your friend, he doesn’t have the answer and he doesn’t really know how to help you. All he has are broken words, an unspoken _I love you so much_ and a silent plea of _please don’t kill yourself tonight_ , but he’s the one person after your mother that would take a bullet for you, the only person after your mother that touches you like he’s taking the pain away. Don’t ignore your friend thinking you will make his life easier if you don’t talk about your problems. It doesn't work that way.

 **STEP SIX** : Cry. Stop trying to be strong all the time. Stop closing the door when you can’t find a reason to breathe. Stop hiding your cuts until they heal. Don’t act like you are not hurting. Whoever said that leaders have to always appear to be strong was full of bullshit. Don’t listen to him. Let yourself be held. Let yourself be comforted. Hiding your pain inside your bones and leaving it there will only work until the day they start to get too heavy and crack. Holding your breath when the air hurts, digging your nails against your skin and not talking about your nightmares will make a graveyard out of you.


End file.
